Re-vamping the "bachelor pad".... HELP!
lawlori
My husband and I have been married since January. After we married, I moved into his house, where he'd been living as a bachelor for about 2 years. While this is our "starter" house and we're planning on building something new in 2-3 years, I have grown more and more disturbed with the way our current house looks. I would like to purchase some new items for our home and decorate it to look less like a bachelor pad and more like a comfortable home for a couple. However, my husband refuses to let me touch any of the items on the walls, including two enormous landscape prints, an ugly clock, and numerous other knick-knacks and prints hanging all over the house. None of these items match or have any kind of sentimental value. In fact, most of them are just random things he's purchased over the years because he felt the wall needed something. I'm not trying to take over his space, nor do I want to decorate the house with "girly" flowers, crocheted samplers, or pictures of dolls. But when I try to suggest moving things around or replacing items, he flatly refuses and tells me that he either "doesn't like" the things I pick out, or he comes up with some nonsensical excuse. For example, he told me that he doesn't want to put a clock over the television set because the "moving hands distract him from the show he's watching." Huh??? We have a wonderful relationship and we compromise so easily about so many things, but for some reason, he is completely resistant to me making changes to our house, even after ten months of marriage. Any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation?
brasov
He needs to be more flexible about this. After all, you are a member of the family and a house should feel home for all family members, not only one . You could just tell him the truth: you're a very visual person and harmony, colors and texture put you in a good/relaxed mood, while the contrary keeps you tense/ frustrated. Tell him that not feeling comfortable with your surroundings makes you edgy, blah, blah... (and who wants a wife in a bad mood?) You can use his example w/the clock on the TV stand:"if that's ticking you so much, imagine my situation, blah, blah.." Maybe, if you serve him Feelings/Moods, instead of a Decoration Plan, he'll start to understand your point and come around. Also, if you have a spare room in the house, offer to make it HIS Space. Move there some of his dear belongings and try to make the best of them by decorating it attractively and manly ;do not just dump his stuff there, making him feel you're discarding it...even if tempting (Know that feeling!). Maybe you could watch together Designing for the Sexes on HGTV and get some ideas from there. Wish you luck!
catwoman708
The lack of willingness to compromise is more of a relationship issue. Could be he's very territorial/possessive about his stuff, doesn't like to be told what to do in his own home, a control issue, doesn't like change, or really and truly doesn't like your style or taste in furnishings. I think its important that you first find out why he won't compromise and let you fix up the house, and then acknowledge and work around his feelings in stages. I suggest that you put your foot down and tell him you need one room in the house to call your own, and feel comfortable in. If not the living area, then the kitchen, the bedroom, or a spare room. Completely re-do a spare bedroom as a guest room or your own retreat, office, or sitting room/den. A coat of paint, area rug, different furniture (or spruce up accessories around existing furniture), window treatments, and artwork. Spend a lot of your time in there because you "feel more comfortable" in there than in the bachelor section of the house. Show the room off to your mutual friends so he can see how much they like it. When he actually sees the difference and hears positive reactions he may change his tune.Then tell him you enjoyed it so much, you want to fix up a different room just for him, with what he likes. Ask him to "tour" a few furniture stores with you to see the displays, and get him to point out what styles/colors he likes. If he won't do this, then fix up a spare room, garage, or den and do the best you can to make it suit him, maybe going with an English pub or "rec room" theme, or whatever hobby he has. Does he like sports, hunting, video games, movies, reading or collecting ball caps, shot glasses, rock band t-shirts, or fossils? Lure him in with a TV/DVD player/stereo/cable/video games, a cozy chair or recliner, a show case or shelves for his collections, a mini bar or beer cooler, and maybe even a fold up card table with the classic picture of the dogs playing cards. Decorate with typical guy stuff (or his choice of decor) like beer logo mirrors or lamps, hunting/sports themes, a dart board, or whatever hobbies/tastes he has. Show him you want to decorate "his space" to please him, and soften him up to decorate common areas with something you can both live with.
#EANF#
#EANF#